.
Oh, suck me, little bang-o-lash
Suck me like a succotash
I've seen a shovel in the road
I pointed it where other shovels go
Little racist camels in the sand
little bits of centavos in my hand.
I want a crumb resting on her ass
She pays the rent and smokes some grass
She was one time a mighty dame
She was on a clock that stayed the same
Time is a rotation, a circular sensation
Earth and all it's bounty from a higher incarnation
Meat for eat, what a treat
We stuff ourselves-like a smeet
Take for granted, take for fun
Taking affects everyone
Doctors, patients, maybe all other types of things. One sees mightily through their own mind but is then just as blind as they are omniscient. Putting good or bad forth and judging others upon their ability to do so- it was fated.
Nothing is not real, divided bits of care in a garden of ambiguity.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Guess what? Women are fucking zombies
...meaning that women are zombies, fucking represents emphasis - NOT that women are having sex with zombies. The text following explains:
They're all like:
"Oh, men...we know your little games. I know why you did that. You mere mortals cannot comprehend how much we know about what you are going to do, what you've done, and what you are currently doing, and thinking."
And then a good many guys assume that this is true. However these are the same guys that are just dumb-asses when it comes to reading a girl's feelings;
"She got all mad and shit....I was like 'babe come on'...she told me to leave so I did and then she got upset at me for leaving...I was like damn..."
Usually there's just some sort of trade off- it's really not that hard to wrap ya mind around. For instance, a guy gets to watch a football game if he buys his wife flowers.
But there becomes this gap between belief and reality when guys just get the flowers, just buy the dinner, just get the chocolates/necklace/wine, etc... BUFFOON! It's kind of depressing, it's like "here, I spent money on you," when in reality a gift is always only as good as the thought that was put behind it. A good measure of knowing how much thought goes into a gift is the difference between:
1) Going into a store unaware of what gift you're going to get someone, picking something randomly.
and
2) Knowing the gift someone will like, then going to a store/making it
...wherein a gift itself may not be bad but you at have to make dinner fun, do something creative afterward, or use the roses as an intro to sex. Something.
Most of the population of men from the baby-booming generation seem to be a lot more emotionally inept. I'm not saying this to empathize with the female viewpoint, I have seen it to be true. It's why stand-up comics that cater to that generation usually have a "women are from mars" theme as part of the backbone of their set...and why these guys just get the dinner.
But these same baby-boomer guys work. A lot. They put in 50-60 hour weeks, or more - so they don't have time to really make the cognitive investment that a good gift entails, or they would. In the least, these guys know the consequence of a bad gift, or no gift at all. The women they're married to get upset. They think of the 70's or 80's when times were easier. Just listenin' to Springsteen, dating a younger version of the chump they're still with, fallin' in love...
...Now women are zombies.
My generation sees the dawn of a new era of female. The ones seeking brains! And well paying jobs! The type of women that would see this statement and say 'I don't know what the hell you talkin' bout women been smart for years you men think you know it all you got another thing comin!'
AND they have this idea instilled in their head about men being dolts on the love scene because of their mothers! Fuck!
So my generation is the recipient of smart women taking jobs from men, and then also treating these men like they are assholes.
Me and all other men must unite. Even if we cannot all get along, we can put our differences aside: the enemy of my enemy is my friend. The global society needs converted into a scenario of 1-month love affairs. No marriage. No long term. Just one month of good sex, sweetness, having fun, and being genuinely interested in the other person.
It's all you need. Everything's downhill after a month. You bicker, grow old, go through the same routines. Why not just cut it off at a month?
This poses the question: what about pregnant women? Huh Matt? What about them??
They will be hung. No I'm just kidding. These pregnant femmes will be entered into an ultimate society. The highest of the caste! Being as they cannot play the market as fairly as everyone else, they will have men that pamper them, and help them in their time of need, so they can have their child! The men that father these children will pamper all day too, and not work. Both parents will receive tax breaks.
The only people allowed to have children will be attractive folks. And none of this "awwwww every baby is cute" horse shit nonsense. Every baby is NOT. Don't believe me? Go to Hagerstown (although I was born into this hellhole, I represent a glaring exception).
Take a guy like me, for example: attractive, chiseled, good jawline, works out, smart, plays guitar, good hair. The only thing going against me is having a tiny dick*, and that can be compensated by the mild definition I have on my abs, in addition to my good complexion, as well as the aforementioned criteria. I can therefore have kids.
I have deviated from the point a little. Women are zombies. They are seeking to expand there minds, and their role in society will change as well. They are quite adept at learning, so this is scary.
It's not fair because their fertile minds have been made so by GENERATIONS of men laboring while they got to sit at home and creatively think. That ease of living for such a long period of time does wonders for a brain. Yeah, they cleaned and shit, BUT THEY'VE HAD A PRETTY FUCKING EASY RUN OF IT GOD DAMN IT. And so have their minds! So now they're all ready to learn, and all men can do is build shit and drive well.
So we (men) are fucked if we don't start getting together in some sort of not-gay macho way (no faggets allowed btw). Then we can sex women at our discretion, for a month, and both sexes will be happier for it.
I guess that is all.
*I ONLY said the tiny dick thing as a joke to emphasize my point, and add in some hyperbole. The opposite of this statement is true, I have a monster dong. It is huge. I definitely DO NOT have a tiny dick and the reason I made this joke is because of how secure I am with the size of my penis. It is certainly not because I want to put the idea out as a joke when it is really true and I have some insecurity about it. Because it is not true. My dick is not tiny, by any stretch of the imagination. It is not short, stumpy, or anything like that, and it doesn't itch when I pee. I CAN PEE JUST FINE AND THAT IS ALL. MY DICK IS FINE, AND AT LEAST NORMAL SIZE IF NOT LARGE.
They're all like:
"Oh, men...we know your little games. I know why you did that. You mere mortals cannot comprehend how much we know about what you are going to do, what you've done, and what you are currently doing, and thinking."
And then a good many guys assume that this is true. However these are the same guys that are just dumb-asses when it comes to reading a girl's feelings;
"She got all mad and shit....I was like 'babe come on'...she told me to leave so I did and then she got upset at me for leaving...I was like damn..."
Usually there's just some sort of trade off- it's really not that hard to wrap ya mind around. For instance, a guy gets to watch a football game if he buys his wife flowers.
But there becomes this gap between belief and reality when guys just get the flowers, just buy the dinner, just get the chocolates/necklace/wine, etc... BUFFOON! It's kind of depressing, it's like "here, I spent money on you," when in reality a gift is always only as good as the thought that was put behind it. A good measure of knowing how much thought goes into a gift is the difference between:
1) Going into a store unaware of what gift you're going to get someone, picking something randomly.
and
2) Knowing the gift someone will like, then going to a store/making it
...wherein a gift itself may not be bad but you at have to make dinner fun, do something creative afterward, or use the roses as an intro to sex. Something.
Most of the population of men from the baby-booming generation seem to be a lot more emotionally inept. I'm not saying this to empathize with the female viewpoint, I have seen it to be true. It's why stand-up comics that cater to that generation usually have a "women are from mars" theme as part of the backbone of their set...and why these guys just get the dinner.
But these same baby-boomer guys work. A lot. They put in 50-60 hour weeks, or more - so they don't have time to really make the cognitive investment that a good gift entails, or they would. In the least, these guys know the consequence of a bad gift, or no gift at all. The women they're married to get upset. They think of the 70's or 80's when times were easier. Just listenin' to Springsteen, dating a younger version of the chump they're still with, fallin' in love...
...Now women are zombies.
My generation sees the dawn of a new era of female. The ones seeking brains! And well paying jobs! The type of women that would see this statement and say 'I don't know what the hell you talkin' bout women been smart for years you men think you know it all you got another thing comin!'
AND they have this idea instilled in their head about men being dolts on the love scene because of their mothers! Fuck!
So my generation is the recipient of smart women taking jobs from men, and then also treating these men like they are assholes.
Me and all other men must unite. Even if we cannot all get along, we can put our differences aside: the enemy of my enemy is my friend. The global society needs converted into a scenario of 1-month love affairs. No marriage. No long term. Just one month of good sex, sweetness, having fun, and being genuinely interested in the other person.
It's all you need. Everything's downhill after a month. You bicker, grow old, go through the same routines. Why not just cut it off at a month?
This poses the question: what about pregnant women? Huh Matt? What about them??
They will be hung. No I'm just kidding. These pregnant femmes will be entered into an ultimate society. The highest of the caste! Being as they cannot play the market as fairly as everyone else, they will have men that pamper them, and help them in their time of need, so they can have their child! The men that father these children will pamper all day too, and not work. Both parents will receive tax breaks.
The only people allowed to have children will be attractive folks. And none of this "awwwww every baby is cute" horse shit nonsense. Every baby is NOT. Don't believe me? Go to Hagerstown (although I was born into this hellhole, I represent a glaring exception).
Take a guy like me, for example: attractive, chiseled, good jawline, works out, smart, plays guitar, good hair. The only thing going against me is having a tiny dick*, and that can be compensated by the mild definition I have on my abs, in addition to my good complexion, as well as the aforementioned criteria. I can therefore have kids.
I have deviated from the point a little. Women are zombies. They are seeking to expand there minds, and their role in society will change as well. They are quite adept at learning, so this is scary.
It's not fair because their fertile minds have been made so by GENERATIONS of men laboring while they got to sit at home and creatively think. That ease of living for such a long period of time does wonders for a brain. Yeah, they cleaned and shit, BUT THEY'VE HAD A PRETTY FUCKING EASY RUN OF IT GOD DAMN IT. And so have their minds! So now they're all ready to learn, and all men can do is build shit and drive well.
So we (men) are fucked if we don't start getting together in some sort of not-gay macho way (no faggets allowed btw). Then we can sex women at our discretion, for a month, and both sexes will be happier for it.
I guess that is all.
*I ONLY said the tiny dick thing as a joke to emphasize my point, and add in some hyperbole. The opposite of this statement is true, I have a monster dong. It is huge. I definitely DO NOT have a tiny dick and the reason I made this joke is because of how secure I am with the size of my penis. It is certainly not because I want to put the idea out as a joke when it is really true and I have some insecurity about it. Because it is not true. My dick is not tiny, by any stretch of the imagination. It is not short, stumpy, or anything like that, and it doesn't itch when I pee. I CAN PEE JUST FINE AND THAT IS ALL. MY DICK IS FINE, AND AT LEAST NORMAL SIZE IF NOT LARGE.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Yeah, HEY
Everyone stop bugging me.
"when's the next post coming?"
"Oh, I've been busy"
"Come on, man."
"Oh, uhm.....nah,"
and then that's it.
This is that post. These are the words of a generation. This is the post in the fence line that divides some obscure piece of property with a small home from the barren, dry land that it is ensconced in. Fruitless now, perhaps once providing a living for a small town farmer. But now to Bruce. His name didn't matter........he didn't have a name. He looked over the crackled, hot land that was what he imagined a leather wallet might look like under a microscope. The sun shone down. He chewed a piece of straw, trite an action as he knew it was, and it secreted a scarcity of bland tones onto the meager saliva that rested upon his tongue and teeth, what few he had.
His tongue had one of those little cracks in it. In the center. Where you see someone has it and you're like "what the fuck? .....Do I have that? What did he eat too many sour patch kids or something? What a thing to have." Don't look at people's tongues. They're for licking, not looking.
Anyhow Bruce is standing there all like "Man it's a notch over warm, god damn it."
He's wearing some tattered white shirt with the sleeves ending at his shoulder. He sectioned them off with a machete. One might even say......he macheted them off.
His son pulls around the horse. The horse is all like
"Hey uhm....HEY BRUCE...I'm a horse"
"I reckoned that before ya spake it"
"Still...I'm a horse"
"Well....of course"
"Don't fluck with me right now"
His son, Amanda, interjected;
"Hey guys, it's not like there's some flipping contest about shit that you're winning by saying more words"
I think this story is a classic.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
This is a post.
Butt holes like to say the following things:
1: "Yeah man I don't eat fast food anymore. It's seriously been like...I don't know how long since I ate at Mcdonald's or Burger King or whatever."
And then either:
"I mean you just feel like crap after you go there it's like...why? You know? I mean I just start thinking like...this stuff is crap and it's crappy for me and like what the hell."
OR:
"I mean there's guys making money off of feeding these people shit. Seriously have you seen super size me I was like 'fuck that.' Am I right?"
Yeah, you are right! And let me guess, you don't drink soda either? It's just too sweet, right? You are a patron saint of health! Is there a fucking congressional medal of honor that you can get for not eating things?!?! HAND IT OUT IMMEDIATELY.
It's not like I'm inhaling Mcflurry's and five layer burritos either, but I don't throw this little 'gem' out there to:
A) Start up some pseudo-scientific health conversation with another idiot
B) Make someone who does eat fast food feel guilty (even though anyone who does eat fast food should be incinerated)
-
2. "Nah I haven't seen that one, hehe...uhm, to be honest I don't really watch a whole lot of T.V. I just don't. I don't even know any shows."
This is an all too common one. Followed by some sort of guilt-inducing mini-rant about how reading, hiking, or doing community service occupies their time.
Hey guy - give it a rest. We all know you're a trail hiker and you shop at Mountain Hard Wear. We see the bike rack on your Subaru. And your reusable Whole Foods bags.
Why snub it? Just because it has this guilt-by-association laziness and gluttony - 'if you watch t.v. at all, then that is all you do in your free time.'
People like to revel in putting something like "none/go outside/tv is for morons" on their Facebook profile under TV shows, but...
...I for one carry the burden of guilt that comes with watching TV. I learn about cooking on the food network, I laugh at Tim and Eric, and I enjoy some trashy MTV/VH1 reality (in the same way I enjoy the movie Kickboxing Academy/Air Bud). And even though I find the time to do outdoor activities, I am just another TV zombie piece of dirt.
-
1: "Yeah man I don't eat fast food anymore. It's seriously been like...I don't know how long since I ate at Mcdonald's or Burger King or whatever."
And then either:
"I mean you just feel like crap after you go there it's like...why? You know? I mean I just start thinking like...this stuff is crap and it's crappy for me and like what the hell."
OR:
"I mean there's guys making money off of feeding these people shit. Seriously have you seen super size me I was like 'fuck that.' Am I right?"
Yeah, you are right! And let me guess, you don't drink soda either? It's just too sweet, right? You are a patron saint of health! Is there a fucking congressional medal of honor that you can get for not eating things?!?! HAND IT OUT IMMEDIATELY.
It's not like I'm inhaling Mcflurry's and five layer burritos either, but I don't throw this little 'gem' out there to:
A) Start up some pseudo-scientific health conversation with another idiot
B) Make someone who does eat fast food feel guilty (even though anyone who does eat fast food should be incinerated)
-
2. "Nah I haven't seen that one, hehe...uhm, to be honest I don't really watch a whole lot of T.V. I just don't. I don't even know any shows."
This is an all too common one. Followed by some sort of guilt-inducing mini-rant about how reading, hiking, or doing community service occupies their time.
Hey guy - give it a rest. We all know you're a trail hiker and you shop at Mountain Hard Wear. We see the bike rack on your Subaru. And your reusable Whole Foods bags.
Why snub it? Just because it has this guilt-by-association laziness and gluttony - 'if you watch t.v. at all, then that is all you do in your free time.'
People like to revel in putting something like "none/go outside/tv is for morons" on their Facebook profile under TV shows, but...
...I for one carry the burden of guilt that comes with watching TV. I learn about cooking on the food network, I laugh at Tim and Eric, and I enjoy some trashy MTV/VH1 reality (in the same way I enjoy the movie Kickboxing Academy/Air Bud). And even though I find the time to do outdoor activities, I am just another TV zombie piece of dirt.
-
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
My First Blog!
Where to start? I think I'll go with that tacky question to make myself sound self-aware. Lol. I am mainly making this post so I don't have to encounter the inevitable miasma of never starting to write because I don't know how or where to begin...
I hope to have pretty interesting entries, and they'll probably be directed to an audience. I'm pretty sure that's how this website works, but I'm not trying to pretend that I don't know about this website to come off all cool. Like when people know exactly what something is but they're afraid to acknowledge it.
"Uhhmm I think the show is like....uhhh....something like 'sing your best' or uhm...like american singer...or something I don't really watch it."
Clearly, asswipe, you know what american idol is. Same thing happens with pokemon. My vet pretended not to know pokemon. I take my cat Pikachu (the most popular breed of pokemon that everyone knows) in there and this older woman in there was like
"Pikachu huh? That's an interesting name...isn't that from something?"
"yeah...that is..."
"yeah...like a....like a poke man or something...right?"
"yeah......exactly right"
"Oh i'll stop being a fake ass punk about it then"
Pikachu: "That's rights.....minceee...."
Being a veterinarian would be nice. I wonder if they get paid as much as medical doctors. Likely not. But it'd be worth the 30K sacrificed to just be like "give it dry food...uhm...don't run it over.....give it these pills wrapped in a piece of cheese..."
I really don't think dogs should eat cheese, but that is traditionally how it's done where I'm from. I eat my pills with cheese too. I'm like "I have a migraine, AND I want to have trouble taking a shit..." Problem solved.
Hey if you're reading this and you write blogs here- do you ever notice the thing in the bottom right of this box when you're writing??? Hahaha it says
"Labels for this post:
e.g. scooters, vacation, fall"
Vacation? sure. Fall? absolutely. Scooters? ...Scooters. Scooters? Scooters: Scooters.......
Do I have to be the guy that calls out people who are blogging about seeing a scooter, buying a scooter, riding a scooter, liking scooters, naming a child scooter, nicknaming a loved one scooter, not seeing a scooter, subscribing to a scooter magazine, doing a scooter trick, being a scooter, bringing a scooter, watching a scooter movie, and/or scooting along?
Scooter?
Not bicycle. Not skateboard. Not even rollerblades. Scooters.
.....uhm....
...Having said that they were a pretty hot item about 9 years ago, I must say. I actually had a Razor scooter. I couldn't do any tricks but I could cruise pretty good. It was from the Sharper Image, which is wierd because it was a scooter, not a 2,600 dollar Deluxe Espresso Machine made out of mahogany and diamonds. Nor a table that you can plug in so it heats up at the surface for your food.
If I saw a kid on a scooter tomorrow I'd probably mow him down. There should be "DO NOT YIELD" signs for little tools on scooters. I would have gladly have had both my legs broken for the amusement that it would provide the hero that hit me with their vehicle. Hard.
I would be cruising with my hands on the dinky little handlebar like "yay," then I would just EAT the grill of a god damned Ford F-250 Diesel Double Truck Twin Axle Sports Edition.
That would be the way to go down.
Just kidding.
Yep, welp, this is my first blog ever so excuse any hipocricy, mispronunciations, misappropriations, lower casings, stipulations, staples, and presuppositions.
I hope to have pretty interesting entries, and they'll probably be directed to an audience. I'm pretty sure that's how this website works, but I'm not trying to pretend that I don't know about this website to come off all cool. Like when people know exactly what something is but they're afraid to acknowledge it.
"Uhhmm I think the show is like....uhhh....something like 'sing your best' or uhm...like american singer...or something I don't really watch it."
Clearly, asswipe, you know what american idol is. Same thing happens with pokemon. My vet pretended not to know pokemon. I take my cat Pikachu (the most popular breed of pokemon that everyone knows) in there and this older woman in there was like
"Pikachu huh? That's an interesting name...isn't that from something?"
"yeah...that is..."
"yeah...like a....like a poke man or something...right?"
"yeah......exactly right"
"Oh i'll stop being a fake ass punk about it then"
Pikachu: "That's rights.....minceee...."
Being a veterinarian would be nice. I wonder if they get paid as much as medical doctors. Likely not. But it'd be worth the 30K sacrificed to just be like "give it dry food...uhm...don't run it over.....give it these pills wrapped in a piece of cheese..."
I really don't think dogs should eat cheese, but that is traditionally how it's done where I'm from. I eat my pills with cheese too. I'm like "I have a migraine, AND I want to have trouble taking a shit..." Problem solved.
Hey if you're reading this and you write blogs here- do you ever notice the thing in the bottom right of this box when you're writing??? Hahaha it says
"Labels for this post:
e.g. scooters, vacation, fall"
Vacation? sure. Fall? absolutely. Scooters? ...Scooters. Scooters? Scooters: Scooters.......
Do I have to be the guy that calls out people who are blogging about seeing a scooter, buying a scooter, riding a scooter, liking scooters, naming a child scooter, nicknaming a loved one scooter, not seeing a scooter, subscribing to a scooter magazine, doing a scooter trick, being a scooter, bringing a scooter, watching a scooter movie, and/or scooting along?
Scooter?
Not bicycle. Not skateboard. Not even rollerblades. Scooters.
.....uhm....
...Having said that they were a pretty hot item about 9 years ago, I must say. I actually had a Razor scooter. I couldn't do any tricks but I could cruise pretty good. It was from the Sharper Image, which is wierd because it was a scooter, not a 2,600 dollar Deluxe Espresso Machine made out of mahogany and diamonds. Nor a table that you can plug in so it heats up at the surface for your food.
If I saw a kid on a scooter tomorrow I'd probably mow him down. There should be "DO NOT YIELD" signs for little tools on scooters. I would have gladly have had both my legs broken for the amusement that it would provide the hero that hit me with their vehicle. Hard.
I would be cruising with my hands on the dinky little handlebar like "yay," then I would just EAT the grill of a god damned Ford F-250 Diesel Double Truck Twin Axle Sports Edition.
That would be the way to go down.
Just kidding.
Yep, welp, this is my first blog ever so excuse any hipocricy, mispronunciations, misappropriations, lower casings, stipulations, staples, and presuppositions.
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