Yeah, HEY

Everyone stop bugging me.

"when's the next post coming?"

"Oh, I've been busy"

"Come on, man."

"Oh, uhm.....nah,"

and then that's it.

This is that post. These are the words of a generation. This is the post in the fence line that divides some obscure piece of property with a small home from the barren, dry land that it is ensconced in. Fruitless now, perhaps once providing a living for a small town farmer. But now to Bruce. His name didn't matter........he didn't have a name. He looked over the crackled, hot land that was what he imagined a leather wallet might look like under a microscope. The sun shone down. He chewed a piece of straw, trite an action as he knew it was, and it secreted a scarcity of bland tones onto the meager saliva that rested upon his tongue and teeth, what few he had.

His tongue had one of those little cracks in it. In the center. Where you see someone has it and you're like "what the fuck? .....Do I have that? What did he eat too many sour patch kids or something? What a thing to have." Don't look at people's tongues. They're for licking, not looking.

Anyhow Bruce is standing there all like "Man it's a notch over warm, god damn it."
He's wearing some tattered white shirt with the sleeves ending at his shoulder. He sectioned them off with a machete. One might even say......he macheted them off.

His son pulls around the horse. The horse is all like

"Hey uhm....HEY BRUCE...I'm a horse"

"I reckoned that before ya spake it"

"Still...I'm a horse"

"Well....of course"

"Don't fluck with me right now"

His son, Amanda, interjected;

"Hey guys, it's not like there's some flipping contest about shit that you're winning by saying more words"

I think this story is a classic.

This is a post.

Butt holes like to say the following things:


1: "Yeah man I don't eat fast food anymore. It's seriously been like...I don't know how long since I ate at Mcdonald's or Burger King or whatever."

And then either:

"I mean you just feel like crap after you go there it's like...why? You know? I mean I just start thinking like...this stuff is crap and it's crappy for me and like what the hell."

OR:

"I mean there's guys making money off of feeding these people shit. Seriously have you seen super size me I was like 'fuck that.' Am I right?"

Yeah, you are right! And let me guess, you don't drink soda either? It's just too sweet, right? You are a patron saint of health! Is there a fucking congressional medal of honor that you can get for not eating things?!?! HAND IT OUT IMMEDIATELY.

It's not like I'm inhaling Mcflurry's and five layer burritos either, but I don't throw this little 'gem' out there to:
A) Start up some pseudo-scientific health conversation with another idiot
B) Make someone who does eat fast food feel guilty (even though anyone who does eat fast food should be incinerated)



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2. "Nah I haven't seen that one, hehe...uhm, to be honest I don't really watch a whole lot of T.V. I just don't. I don't even know any shows."

This is an all too common one. Followed by some sort of guilt-inducing mini-rant about how reading, hiking, or doing community service occupies their time.

Hey guy - give it a rest. We all know you're a trail hiker and you shop at Mountain Hard Wear. We see the bike rack on your Subaru. And your reusable Whole Foods bags.

Why snub it? Just because it has this guilt-by-association laziness and gluttony - 'if you watch t.v. at all, then that is all you do in your free time.'

People like to revel in putting something like "none/go outside/tv is for morons" on their Facebook profile under TV shows, but...

...I for one carry the burden of guilt that comes with watching TV. I learn about cooking on the food network, I laugh at Tim and Eric, and I enjoy some trashy MTV/VH1 reality (in the same way I enjoy the movie Kickboxing Academy/Air Bud). And even though I find the time to do outdoor activities, I am just another TV zombie piece of dirt.

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