Read this post if you don't like my other posts

I feel, what seems to be about a couple inches above my genitals, the urge to pee. A fluid that I drank, the remainder of which seeks to be released. Since birth I learned that I don't want this fluid all over me and my clothing, so it waits. A part of me is annoyed that it is there. The same part of me knows that if history is an indicator of the present, relief will follow. I will release the fluid and a wave of calm will come through me...yes. This feels very good to do.

This fluid goes so far as to base its color on how hydrated I am. A dark yellow color says that I need more water. I probably shouldn't have to have my urine tell me this- being that water is the second most vital element to organic life. But it tells me nonetheless.

"Hey, Matt, the starches and proteins and salts and whateverelse's you ingest need water in order to go through the metabolic processes and be broken down. So let's...let's have some please. I can't fucking text you so use my color as an indicator."

I curl my brow in a concerned way when I see the color. This facial expression tells the urine that I have concern, I have noted the problem, and I will go drink some water. The urine goes on to tell the bath of water in which it now resides what I eat and what size penis I have, and I flush it because I do not want to hear the water's reaction to what the urine has to say. I think of the comebacks I could have had for the urine when it made those snide remarks to the water. Something about split pee soup.

I put my penis back where it belongs. It only follows logic that there is a blue cloth with a little metal gate that serves to zip up and cover this part of me. If I leave it out, if I let it stay outside of this gate then it will make other people feel uncomfortable and avoid me. This is a power that I do not exercise. It is wrong. In fact, it is illegal. They are called privates for a reason!

If I choose to leave this skin out for others to view, then that is something that is so wrong that I will have another human grab me, put my hands behind my back and lock them there, and drive me to a cement encompassment that will be my incarcerate for what I have done.

"A penis is not to be shown in public because it is used for sex, and it is inherently dirty by association," said the policeman. "You're to put it away after you pee, and then use it also for sex with one woman that you are married to in the privacy of a home. That's why it's there."

Yeah, for you maybe. But for me it has served many more functions than that. In elementary school I was very curious about it and I batted it around occasionally. In middle school I saw it develop a little bit and I was also a little worried for its capabilities if I were to engage a woman sexually. It kept getting excited about these random ideas in my head, so I did my best at giving it what it wanted. It grew very acclimated to my right hand. It rose happily to the occasion of hand attention, and on these occasions it took over my mind as much as it consumed my body which is why I was fascinated enough to do it daily.

Then I had sex. My penis was a little nervous, though excited for the first time to enter into those strange looking lips that make a vagina. I thought it would look a little more basic. I thought the point of entry would be a little higher on the body, kind of like where my penis is. "Shut up" my dick said, "just get it."

So at this point for the first time I am in this radical state of sexuality with someone else there. I have to think about the faces I'm making, if it's big enough, the faces she's making, what position to be in, how to go about thrusting it...it was a nervy affair. My penis eventually taught my body how to go about this in a smoother, more conscious fashion.

My penis(first speaker) tried describing to me(second speaker) what it was like to be inside a vagina.

"Heeeee heeee!!!! HAAA!!! Imagine just having your whole body covered in a wet, smooth, mucous skin, not unlike the inside of your cheeks. It contracts to your size after it gets stimulated. It rubs you all around and your outsides become real sensitive and enjoy this beautiful friction. Goo comes out of you in an overwhelming zenith of ecstasy."

"Hmm. Yeah I don't think that would translate to the human body."

"Fagget"

After high school I was single. My dick was under the assumption that those mucous walls would forever be there to stimulate it.

"This stroking gig was cool at first but you have to switch back to vaginae."

"There's none around right now just get by with this"

"Not the same"

"Yes I know but the more I do this the more likely we are to have another vagina."

"Thaaaaaat sounds like a crock of shit"

"And it is."

"Soooo...."

"What happens is I have to use interpersonal skills and compliment a girl at the right times and play these little flirty games like you see on TV and convince her that the sex I give her will be tied to other merry things. Basically that I'm an alright guy."

"Why not just fuck them?"

"Well, yeah. But they won't let you if you don't talk your way into it."

"That sounds like a crock of shit."

"And it is."